There are days when you look at the mirror and can’t help but feel like you aren’t doing enough. There are other days when you look in the mirror and can’t help but feel like you could be doing more. As you look at yourself in the mirror, you may find yourself sabotaging your progress. When you feel like you can’t do it for yourself, take a moment to consider who else might be suffering this same affliction.

I’m a 21 year-old girl. I’m 5’3”, weigh 105 lbs, have dark brown hair, and a medium complexion. For the past two years, I’ve been gaining weight. I work out 5-6 times per week, but I can’t seem to lose any weight. I don’t have much of a body image. I don’t care what others think about my weight, and I’m okay with that. Most people don’t take it upon themselves to tell me how to change. As long as I’m healthy, that’s all that matters.

In the years since I was a teenager, I’ve watched a lot of popular television shows, movies, and advertisements. I’ve also noticed that when young adult females are presented with a girl who has a more attractive body, the viewer’s attention is drawn to her. When I was younger, I envied the girls on TV who had larger, more muscular bodies. I wanted to go to the gym and build a ton of muscle, just like they did. But after seeing them eat like complete gluttons and indulge in their favorite foods, I realized that I would never reach my goal. My body would never match theirs.

That Girl, ahh. She has a defined waist, hair that appears groomed even when it isn’t, and her sweater is free of child vomit.

I can definitely tell, from coaching hundreds of clients, that wanting to be That Girl may either drive you toward your goal… may render you totally immobile. Here’s how to deal with it.

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Have you ever thought to yourself, “Wow, she’s really got it all together” while looking at someone?

Perhaps you’ve been curious about her mystery.

Perhaps you’ve questioned why you can’t seem to put things together in the same manner.

It’s not even close.

Your ambition to be “That Girl” may either push you forward… or freeze you utterly.

I’m going to tell you the truth about “That Girl” in this essay. (Hint: it’s not on her perfectly manicured Facebook page or her stunning #nofilter Instagram feed.)

And I’ll teach you how to utilize comparisons to your advantage rather than against you.

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But first, I wanted to let you know that we’ll be opening up places in our Coaching program very shortly.

We work with small groups of men and women twice a year who want to look better, feel better, and take charge of their health and fitness.

We work together for a year to help them become in the greatest condition of their life… and remain like way for the rest of your life.

Check out this short movie to see some of the incredible things we’ve helped our customers achieve:

 

Meet some of the individuals who have had their bodies — and lives — transformed through Coaching.

 

Would you want to learn even more? Today is the last day to get on the pre-sale list.

 

We’ll walk you through significant, long-term changes in your diet, activity, physique, and health as part of the Coaching program.

What were the outcomes?

You’ll drop the weight (and body fat) you’ve been struggling to lose for years. You’ll develop physical strength and self-assurance. And you’ll feel like the healthiest, strongest, fittest version of yourself at the end of it.

To put it another way, we’ll help you become your own “That Girl.”

Which takes us back to the topic of today’s article…

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So, there’s this lady. She’s incredible. Even inspiring.

She seems to be stunning, confident, and at ease in her own self. She enjoys Pilates, jogging, Crossfit, kale juice, and other activities that keep her energized.

She’s dressed in Lululemon leggings and thin denim. Even with three lovely children, yes.

She seems to have everything under control. She’s also the most popular request among women who join Coaching:

That Girl is someone I aspire to be.

That Girl is a name we’re all familiar with.

That Girl is a lawyer, a neurosurgeon, an international ambassador, or a stay-at-home mother, to name a few professions. She excels at whatever she does and is happy doing it.

She uses hashtags like #honored, #grateful, and #blessed on social media, and she really means it.

“Making me appear like That Girl is a must.”

That Girl was Linda Hamilton in Terminator 2 twenty years ago.

On Instagram, she’s Jessica Alba, Eva Mendes, or Kendall Jenner these days.

You may have spotted That Girl at school drop-off, the grocery store, or tearing through the jogging trails at home.

(Of course, you’re pushing banana peels and empty drink cups aside to make space for your kid’s dog-hair-encrusted car seat while she’s dropping off three well-groomed kids.) And you’re wearing your husband’s spit-up-covered track trousers because they’re the only thing that fits right now.)

You can’t help but wonder…

Why does she seem to have it all together when I obviously don’t?

That Girl, in fact, does not have it all together. I know because I was her coach.

Coaching needs you to be a little bit honest and vulnerable at some point, regardless of who you are. Yes, I’ve seen everything.

Without the warm lighting and baby oil utilized in picture sessions, I’ve had ladies stand in front of me for measurements, half-naked and uncomfortable in their underpants.

Even the most rock-solid, wall-of-muscle types have shed a few tears. (Do you think That Girl wouldn’t burst into tears on the floor of a public restroom? Please reconsider.)

I’ve heard everything. I’ve heard about the hidden Oreo and Nutella binges, the even more hidden eating disorders, the alcohol, the sly smokes, the injuries, the heartache, the terrible boss, and the reasons why your mother always preferred your sister and why you feel like you’ll never measure up.

It makes no difference how big you are, whether you have abs, if you know how to apply fake eyelashes, or if you’ve ever lifted a barbell in your life.

I’ve been covered with your emotional vomit.

And that’s OK. Actually, it’s fantastic.

Really. Why do you think that is? Because…

There is no such thing as “That Girl.”

It’s all too tempting to think that everyone else is doing so much better than you are.

After all, each person’s social media feed conveys a distinct message. It may seem like Everyone Else can manage their life thanks to Instagram, fitness publications, and “best booty beach body bikini bonanza” ads.

Everyone else is losing weight, building muscle, and becoming fitter far more quickly and easily than you are.

Everyone else is on top of their game. Everything you don’t have is in the hands of someone else.

It seems as though you’re the only one in the world dealing with these issues. It’s far more difficult for you than it is for everyone else.

However, the reality is:

There is no such thing as Everyone Else.

You see…

No one can escape the realities of family, deadlines, and metabolism’s thermodynamic rules.

Nobody, not Jessica Alba, Eva Mendes, or anybody else.

That Girl does not exist in the manner in which you believe she does.

We are all flawed, wonderful, messy, very-much-human beings with hopes and fears and desires and neuroses and jobs and lives and kids and dogs or cats and family demands and toilets that need unclogging and lines-becoming-wrinkles and hangnails and alarms that go off too early… and the rest of reality.

With make-believe, nothing becomes any simpler.

We can only start becoming our own versions of That Girl once we can be honest about what’s going on in their lives — once we can stop worrying about being the only person who isn’t fit enough, smart enough, together enough, getting enough things done in a day, a good enough mom / wife / worker, whatever.

Do you want to learn how it’s done? Take a look at these six stages.

Step 1: Take a second to rethink your expectations.

I have both good and terrible news to share with you.

The good news is that you are perfectly capable of getting into acceptable, moderate, or even excellent condition.

You have the ability to reclaim control over your life and behaviors. Emotional eating disorders may be overcome. You may look after others while while looking after yourself. You may even construct a physique that you like and are proud of.

I understand. I understand. Right now, body-love probably seems insane and unattainable. These things are absolutely achievable with some modest, consistent adjustments and assistance.

Getting cover-model lean and ripped, on the other hand, is unlikely to be worth your time (particularly if you expect it to happen overnight and last longer than 24 hours).

Getting into magazine-cover shape is difficult, as we discussed in our piece The Cost of Getting Lean. To accomplish this, you must give up a significant portion of your life.

You eat from a Tupperware container. Everything you put in your mouth is measured. Your whole schedule focuses on eating (or not eating), exercising, and resting so you can exercise again.

Sure, some individuals are successful at it. If you didn’t have anything else on your mind, you could get Cameron-Diaz ripped.

But here’s the deal: the individuals you see in magazines (the ones you think are “Everybody Else”) are professionals who earn a livelihood doing what they do. We aren’t all like that. In fact, 99.99 percent of us aren’t.

Those professionals only seem that way for a few hours or days at a time. They invest tens of thousands of hours and money in their quest to become extremely slim and ripped. That implies even the 0.01 percent don’t look like that all of the time.

Their lives aren’t either. In reality, their lives are probably not as exciting as you imagine. They’re at a family barbeque, eating three ounces of basic cold chicken from a Ziploc bag before doing their second exercise of the day.

In short:

  • It doesn’t take much effort to get into slightly better condition or to adopt a little healthier habit. That may be the most plausible scenario for the majority of us right now.
  • Getting into epic shape requires a great deal of sacrifice… and it’s sort of a drag. For most of us, it is probably not worth it right now.
  • Getting into amazing condition brings with it a slew of new issues. Cover models are often less happy, healthy, and balanced than the typical individual due to the rigors of their work. (If you’ve ever tried to achieve this goal, you’ve probably experienced it personally in the form of exercise injuries, anxiety and depression, disordered eating, hormone disturbance, social isolation, and a variety of other issues.)

So, if magazine covers aren’t an option right now, what are your options?

Step 2: Look for fresh ‘That Girl’ ideas.

How about the preschool instructor of your child? She is on her feet all day, spends recess playing tag with 4-year-olds, and exudes patience and serenity like no other. How does she maintain her stamina?

Or the mom down the street who always appears to be having a good time with her kids, and isn’t afraid to get a bit silly, dirty, or scraped up in the process. Is there anything she can offer you in the way of advice?

What about the woman in her seventies who is aging gracefully? What has her day-to-day routine been like throughout the years?

Consider your next-door neighbor, who is an expert at producing her own vegetables and is always ready to give her sun-ripened tomatoes.

When our customers change their mindset to “good enough,” “a little better,” or “simply practicing,” their results improve significantly.

Why? They may concentrate on something that works: little moments of health, exercise, and wellbeing that they can accomplish right now.

Tiny things on top of small things on top of small things… until they’re turned into huge things… is nearly always the formula for success.

Step 3: Accustom yourself to being “not OK.”

Nobody has it all together all of the time; definitely not all of the time. And we’re all a little “not OK” in some way.

And, strangely enough, that’s just OK.

You’ll hear words like these if you’re a Coaching client:

  • Take a chance on the discomfort.
  • Allow for a little chaos.
  • You are a person. You are a typical person. You aren’t a weirdo in the least. You’re not on your own.

You’ll also hear inquiries such as:

  • What can you do to make things a little easier for yourself?
  • How does it feel to be in the midst of change’s discomfort?
  • How could you push yourself a little further?

We assist you in dealing with that “not OK-ness” since life will never be perfect 100 percent of the time.

It’s not going away anytime soon. It’s a part of being human to deal with discomfort, whether it’s real pain and suffering or little annoyances.

We understand the complexity and depth of life as adults. It is not a mature desire to want to “be perfect” or “have it all.” It’s a child’s dream to have all of the toys at all times, even your sister’s.

That Girl, like everyone else, is going through a difficult time. It’s possible that you won’t notice it.

Consider the following example:

  • Prescription medicine is used by 48% of our female customers.
  • Antidepressant or anti-anxiety medicine is used by 33% of individuals on medication.
  • Our customers get injured about 36% of the time. Many people suffer from chronic discomfort.
  • Our female customers are above 50 about 27% of the time. (Aging has its own set of difficulties, even if you’re in good health.)

Furthermore, many of our female customers have a “let’s just say complicated” connection with food.

They’re also exhausted. They frequently don’t feel like they have much time for themselves after job, family, and home obligations. Despite their understanding of nutrition and exercise, they find it difficult to maintain consistency and take care of themselves as they would want.

Many of these issues go unnoticed. Pain and disability are frequently invisible. Psychological anguish is not always visible. You have no idea what someone is taking until you witness them take a tablet.

And guess what? The PN staff is dealing with the same issues.

  • We’ve had some injuries. Alternatively, they had them. Alternatively, they will have them.
  • We’ve had issues with mental and emotional health in the past. Or on a regular basis.
  • We’ve all battled with addictions, whether it was to job, exercise, food, alcohol, or anything else that a person might get addicted to.
  • We’ve put on too much weight, become frail, or gone weeks or months without exercising.
  • We’ve been the ones with the baby barf sweatpants on our thighs.

Whatever the difficulty, at least a handful of us have experienced it.

And keep in mind that That Girl, who seems to be in good shape, may be in the midst of a long and arduous trip.

  • We guided cancer patients through post-treatment recovery, for example.
  • People who have recovered from an accident or sickness, for example.
  • Like individuals who have a lot on their metaphorical plate and experience all emotions as hunger — tension, happiness, sorrow, you name it.

You never know what it took to get someone where they are now, no matter how they seem. We’re all out on the field with each other. Trying our hardest in the face of adversity.

Accepting flaws is the key to become your own version of That Girl.

Step 4: Dig further into specific symptoms.

It’s OK to feel unhappy. None of us are in perfect health. At the same time, certain things aren’t quite right, such as:

  • Insomnia is sleep deprivation on a regular basis
  • Chronic pain or a loss of movement are two examples of chronic pain.
  • injuries and/or diseases on a regular basis
  • sadness, anxiety, or other mental health issues that are persistent and debilitating
  • a history of social isolation and interpersonal problems
  • chronic fatigue and exhaustion
  • not menstruation (unless you should be, such as if you’re pregnant or post-menopausal)
  • feeling as though you can’t function without booze or recreational drugs
  • Food, eating, and/or exercise issues that seem to be taking over your life and/or causing damage to your health…

Becoming in the depths of not-OK may be the wake-up call we need to start working on being a bit more OK. It might be caused by a very stressful scenario at work, being wounded, or having a lot of family responsibilities to meet.

Keep an eye on the “dashboard indicator lights.”

Are your present difficulties and flaws more like to everyday ups and downs? It’s perfectly good if they are. It’s all a part of the human condition.

On the other hand, if something feels particularly off, you may require additional assistance. A trained coach, counselor, or other health care professional might be able to help you.

Step 5: Go after your awesomeness.

It’s not an all-or-nothing situation. Don’t allow the fact that you can’t workout or prepare the nutritious meal you saw on Pinterest be an excuse to do nothing.

Find a way to get around it. If you need assistance, seek it. Believe in your ability to create a system that works for you. As an example…

  • Consider branching out from your regular jogging regimen if your knees aren’t as strong as they once were. Alternatively, ask a coach how an activity may be tweaked.
  • Find someone to do this with if you don’t enjoy cooking or working out alone. Grab a buddy for a batch-cooking day on Sunday, or sign up for a group class.
  • Find someone to do this with if you don’t enjoy cooking or working out alone. Grab a buddy for a batch-cooking day on Sunday, or sign up for a group class.

Even That Girl needs to put forth some effort. Especially at the start.

Even That Girl needs to put forth some effort. Especially at the start.

But we won’t be able to change unless we embrace how things are now – including how lost, overwhelmed, and vulnerable we may feel at times.

But we won’t be able to change unless we embrace how things are now – including how lost, overwhelmed, and vulnerable we may feel at times.

  • We learn that we don’t have to accomplish everything by ourselves. We have the option to seek assistance (and receive that help graciously).
  • We learn that we don’t have to accomplish everything by ourselves. We have the option to seek assistance (and receive that help graciously).
  • We start to notice small improvements — in our bodies, our behavior, and our mental attitude. And I’m feeling very, really good about it.
  • We start to notice small improvements — in our bodies, our behavior, and our mental attitude. And I’m feeling very, really good about it.
  • We begin to accomplish things we never thought we could. We look better, feel better, and realize that we’ve transformed into…

We begin to accomplish things we never thought we could. We look better, feel better, and realize that we’ve transformed into…

How did we pull it off?

How did we pull it off?

I’m on the hunt for it. I’m chasing it down. Making it a reality.

I’m on the hunt for it. I’m chasing it down. Making it a reality.

What should I do next?

What should I do next?

1. Don’t get too caught up in setbacks.

1. Don’t get too caught up in setbacks.

For women, this causes a slew of unpleasant emotions, including guilt and sorrow.

For women, this causes a slew of unpleasant emotions, including guilt and sorrow.

I don’t see when you finished a fitness program or a diet plan. Every time you attempted to start again, I could tell that you were unsuccessful.

That takes a lot of guts. As a result, I don’t need to “inspire” or “motivate” you. Your optimism is limitless.

My goal as a coach is to help you get off to a better start and stay on track – a route that works for you and your hectic, messy, real, “imperfect” existence.

And at, we want to assist you in learning and discovering what works best for you so you can keep doing what you’re doing and loving it. Finding the correct route for your specific requirements will allow you to reclaim control of your body, health, and “That Girl-ness.”

2. Consider what success entails for you.

Imagine yourself… living the sort of life you want to live, rather than an imagined, plastic, magazine-cover That Girl.

Imagine yourself… living the sort of life you want to live, rather than an imagined, plastic, magazine-cover That Girl.

What is her point of view on the world? What kind of choices does she make in her life? What sorts of adventures does she go on, and how does she make them happen?

What is her point of view on the world? What kind of choices does she make in her life? What sorts of adventures does she go on, and how does she make them happen?

Don’t confine yourself to a strict, limited ideal. With your envisioned future, go large and bold. That Girl has a scrumptious existence. How?

Don’t confine yourself to a strict, limited ideal. With your envisioned future, go large and bold. That Girl has a scrumptious existence. How?

Now, take that inspiring role model’s everyday routine and break it down into teeny-tiny bits.

You could have imagined what she ate for lunch. Imagine her opening the fridge for the first time. What was she thinking at the time? What exactly is she up to? Begin there, at that fleeting instant.

Perhaps you envisioned her working out by trekking a beautiful outdoor path, surfing, or tango dancing. Consider her putting on her hiking boots or walking into the sea. What was she thinking at the time? What is her approach to this adventure? Begin there, at that fleeting instant.

Perhaps today’s equivalent of “surfing” is dipping your toes in the YMCA’s neighborhood pool. Perhaps today’s mountain climbing consists of walking your elderly pug up a steep slope. Maybe today’s seductive tango is swaying your somewhat arthritic hips to “Bootylicious” while preparing supper for the kids. Enough is enough. You’ve taken the first step.

Start with the result you desire and work backwards to become a life engineer. Break that result down into smaller and smaller chunks until you have something you can do in the next five minutes to help you achieve that goal, that life, and that final adventure.

Take one little issue at a time — one impediment to eating properly or exercising — and experiment with various solutions. How are you going to get over that one stumbling block today? Is it possible for you to do it again tomorrow?

4. Begin to behave like That Girl.

Adopt her self-assurance. Assume you’re capable of doing what she can. When you walk, strut a bit. Visit hiking footwear websites and daydream about being in the mountains. Convince yourself that you, not destiny, are in charge of your life.

Would That Girl run an additional 100 meters or complete an extra rep? Would That Girl enroll in a Zumba class despite the fact that she walks on her own two feet? Would That Girl wear her favorite multicolored exercise tights if she was 15 and some jerk told her she had a huge bum?

How would That Girl slam the door in the face of the world today? And how can you at least begin to act as though you’re doing the same… Until you practice so much that you forget it wasn’t your natural instinct to kick the world in the nuts?

You won’t drop 40 pounds or become ripped in a day. However, if you adopt a couple of That Girl’s behaviors one at a time and gradually, you may find yourself enjoying a lot more wonderful life in a much stronger, happier, and healthier body.

5. Begin putting together your squad.

Life isn’t a do-it-yourself project, to be sure. Nobody, not even Beyoncé, is so self-sufficient.

So, consider the following:

  • Who do you need in your life to assist you in becoming the person you desire?
  • What kind of assistance will you need to become your own “That Girl”?

Is it necessary to expand your “Project OK” team? A trustworthy friend or family member, a coach, counselor, or other health-care professional, for example? If that’s the case, track them down and share your idea with them. Make a request for what you need. Allow them to assist you.

Change does not occur on its own. You’ll need systems in addition to assistance. Things that serve to remember you, guide you, assist you, fill in the gaps for you, and in general assist you in staying on course.

Begin actively searching out the resources that will assist you in achieving your goals.

Begin actively searching out the resources that will assist you in achieving your goals.

Most people are aware that getting enough exercise, eating properly, sleeping well, and managing stress are all essential for looking and feeling better. However, they need assistance in putting that information into practice in the context of their hectic, often stressful lives.

Most people are aware that getting enough exercise, eating properly, sleeping well, and managing stress are all essential for looking and feeling better. However, they need assistance in putting that information into practice in the context of their hectic, often stressful lives.

It’s also why, via our Level 1 and Level 2 Certification programs, we educate health, fitness, and wellness professionals how to coach their own clients through similar difficulties.

Interested in becoming a coach? Join the presale list to save up to 54% and get a seat 24 hours before the general public.

Interested in becoming a coach? Join the presale list to save up to 54% and get a seat 24 hours before the general public.

If you’re interested in coaching and want to find out more, I’d encourage you to join our presale list below. Being on the list provides you with two distinct benefits.

  • If you’re interested in coaching and want to find out more, I’d encourage you to join our presale list below. Being on the list provides you with two distinct benefits.
  • You’ll have a better chance of getting a place. We only offer the program twice a year to ensure that clients get the particular care and attention they need. We sold out in minutes the last time we started registration. By signing up for the presale list, you’ll be able to register 24 hours before the general public, boosting your chances of getting in.

This is your opportunity to transform your body and your life with the assistance of the world’s finest trainers.

This is your opportunity to transform your body and your life with the assistance of the world’s finest trainers.

Do you have a body that you would love to have, but feel that it is just out of your reach? Well, there is no need to feel that way. I know how easy it is to feel envious of somebody else’s body/figure, but I also know that there is beauty in everyone. To turn body envy into action, you have to look at your own body honestly, learn about beauty standards and the patterns of body image and learn how to love your own body.. Read more about how to be that girl in school and let us know what you think.

Related Tags

This article broadly covered the following related topics:

  • how to be that girl everyone is jealous of
  • becoming the woman you want to be
  • how to be that girl in 2021
  • how to be that girl in school
  • becoming that girl meaning